Shitstorm

SO I've been reading a lot about this Phil(?) dude from Duck Dynasty that was like 'mens and womens not mens and mens' (give or take) and then A & E suspended him. Is it because he's Christian? No. What happened was an employer saw an employee publicly representing them and stating a sentiment that they felt would not go over well with the public, so they choice to suspend them. So what if the Duck Dynasty show completely stops airing? I promise you, those guys are not struggling financially. This is not a discrimination, this could possibly be a legitimate contract violation. It's not a 'freedom of speech' thing, and besides, you have freedom of speech, not freedom from consequences of said speech. If you worked for AT&T and when talking to a customer said 'Yeah but I totally love Satan and sacrificing lambs' they would be able to terminate you not because of your belief (besides, have you sacrificed a lamb before? It's DELICIOUS), but it's because you put that opinion out WHILE representing your employer, and they don't want that image. Tough shit.

Why are they rich again? Duck harmonicas?

Anyways, /endrant /startnewrant

My apartment complex is being demolished. I have until January 31st to evacuate. Which is you know, awesome, also right in the middle of my final and busiest quarter at DU. But the lease says they only need to give a 30 day notice for this sort of thing, and they technically gave me 42, so I'm sort of on my own finding a new place. Hooray.

Also this vacation back in Texas isn't quite what I was expecting. I'm still enjoying it, but it's full of it's own disappointments and let downs. I kind of can't wait to go back to Denver again.

My Perfect Man Summed Up in Lyrics

Okay not really. But these songs are so painfully romantic to me in their own ways. In no particular order

1. Ass Back Home - Gym Class Heroes feat. Neon "We put the 'us' in 'trust', baby."
2. After Midnight - Blink 182 "We'll stagger home after midnight; sleep arm and arm in the stairwell. We'll fall apart on the weekend; these nights go on and on and on."
3. 505 - The Arctic Monkeys "But I crumble completely when you cry."
4. Teenage Dream - Katy Perry "I finally found you: my missing puzzle piece."
5. There is - Boxcar Racer "Will you sleep tonight, or will you think of me?"
6. Hard to Concentrate - Red Hot Chili Peppers "All I want is for you to be happy and take this moment to make you my family"
7. Dig - Incubus "Remind me that we'll always have each other when everything else is gone."
8. Ruling Me - Weezer "In the rain, in the sun, everybody needs someone."
9. Such Great Heights - The Postal Service "The freckles in our eyes our mirror images and when we kiss they're perfectly aligned."
10. Wounded - Third Eye Blind "I wanna kiss you and knock 'em down like we used to."
11. Cindy - Tammany Hall NYC "You listened when my voice was void of sound."
12. Gypsy - Lady Gaga "Bust the rearview mirror and fire up the jets because it's you and me."
13. The Saltwater Room - Owl City "So tell me darling do you wish we'd fall in love?"
14. Going Away to College - Blink 182 "This world's an ugly place, but you're so beautiful to me."
15. You and I- Lady Gaga "You taste like whiskey when you kiss me, oh, I'd give anything again to be your baby doll."
16. Bed-Shaped - Keane "You'll knock on my door, and off we'll go."
17. Here (In Your Arms) - Hellogoodbye "There's no where else I could be but here in your arms."

About the Blogger

ABOUT ME

► Name ➔ Apinya!
► Will you answer all questions truthfully ➔ Perhaps?
► Are you single ➔ And alone. 
► Are you happy ➔ "yes"
► Are you Italian ➔ no
► Are you German ➔ no
► Are you Asian ➔ YES. AHAHAHAHAHh
► Are you angry? ➔ Is this an ethnicity
► Are you Irish ➔ no
► Are your parents still married ➔ yes

TEN FACTS
► Birth Place ➔ Canadaaaa
► Hair Color ➔ brown/varies
► Eye Color ➔ poop
► Birthday ➔ dec 13
► Mood ➔ not wearing pants
► Gender ➔ female
► Lefty or Righty ➔ righty
► Summer or winter ➔ winter
► Morning or afternoon ➔ either staying up until morning or afternoon/evening

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE 
► Are you in love? With this donut. 
► Do you believe in love at first sight? ➔ OR SHOULD I WALK BY AGAIN? LOLOL*sobs*
► Have you ever broken someone’s heart? ➔ In middle school. If that counts.
► Are you afraid of commitments? ➔  Shits terrifying yo.► Have you hugged someone within the last week? ➔ Matt couldn't get the machine to work so I gave him a hug because he looked sad. 
► Have you ever had a secret admirer? ➔ We're grown ups, they're called stalkers now.
► Have you ever broken your own heart? ➔ What does that even mean?

TEN CHOICES
► Love or lust ➔ Uh? Both? Lust I guess? idk.
► Lemonade or iced tea ➔ Sweet tea bitch!
► Cats or Dogs ➔ Cats. MEOW BITCH.
► A few best friends or many regular friends ➔ A few besties. We get stupid. 
► Television or internet ➔ Internet. Who watches television anymore? What am I a farmer?
► Pepsi or Coke ➔ Mountain Dew?
► Wild night out or romantic night in ➔ Wild Night Out. "Romantic Nights" seem silly.
► Day or night ➔ night
► IM or Phone ➔ I.M. 

TEN HAVE YOU EVER
► Been caught sneaking out ➔ Kind of?
► Fallen down/up the stairs ➔Both. Once all at the same time.
► Finished an entire jawbreaker ➔ Like the big ones the size of a heart? HELL YEAH
► Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? ➔ Digimon
► Prank called a store ➔ No actually
► Skipped school ➔ Lolololoololol
► Wanted to disappear ➔ I wish. 

TEN PREFERENCES 
► Smile or eyes ➔ Eyes. SMILE WITH YOUR EYES.
► Light or dark hair ➔ dark.
► Shorter or Taller ➔ Tall. It's not hard. I'm 5'1"
► Intelligence or Attraction ➔ I'm attracted to intelligence?
► Hook-up or Relationship ➔ relationship I s'pose► Funny and poor OR rich and serious ➔ Funny and poor. 

ABOUT ME
► Last Phone Call ➔  My homie about pizza
► Last phone call you received ➔ My phone is too far away and I don't wanna get it.► Last person you hung out with ➔ Seester and her beef.
► Last thing you ate ➔ Dum-dum 
► Last thing you drank ➔ coffee
► Last site you went to ➔ Tumblr =P
► Last place you were ➔ At work. 

FAMILY
► Do you and your family get along ➔ Sometimes. 
► Would you say you have a “messed up life” ➔ Uh...maybe? It's not like drastically messed up but like everyone else I have my own issues?► Have you ever run away from home ➔ Nah never found a backpack big enough to carry my xbox and my teddy bear (actual child)► Have you ever gotten kicked out ➔ Well my mom yelled at me to leave so I left...but then I came back a few hours later so...

Lets talk about 'Facebook Games'

Your favorite nerdy asshole gamer girl is here with her normal dose of fart jokes, emotions, and cynical views on the world. I sort of dropped off for a bit as my finals came and ripped me a new asshole.

Today I'm tackling Facebook Games. Why do we hate them so much? It's like everyone except for a select few utterly despise them. They are:

1. People with smartPhones who take long poops
2. Middle aged people on Facebook
3. Children

There's probably more but I think I've bastardized those stereotypical ones enough. But what is the stigma against the game that we hate so much? I'll try to break it down.

- Posting and announcing gameplay on your feed
- Inviting Friends to play to enhance gameplay

- Using real money to add to game play

1. Posting and Announcing on your Feed

I don't give a shit what your cow crapped out on Farmville 2 (spoilers: it's manure. Hopefully. Also does Farmville 2 harvest manure?) One of the worst things about games on Facebook is their constant desire to announce every little thing you've achieved in game. Frankie beat level 7 on Fuckfest Saga! Margaret spun straw into gold on FarmHouseCityLandTown! Sarah just passed Jimmy in the most embarrassingly brutal defeat possible on BubblePuzzleGame. Why does this game have the need to shout from the rooftops every little achievement? Because the game needs players to survive. If the game clearly doesn't have enough players, then it gets pulled, and that's it, the games over. It's similar to television showing a Chili's commercial in the middle of your reality show (mmm Chili's). As your scrolling through your news feed, it catches your eye. If you're into playing games (sometimes) this can get you interested. I admit this is how I got into the King games, was seeing it constantly pop up. I had to sit back and wonder "Well, shit, everyone seems to be playing, might as well see what's up." And it's hella fun.

2. Inviting Friends

This one is kind of a toss up for me. But it's the same as my friends telling me 'Hey get Pokemon X/Y' so we can trade Pokemon together!' But much much cheaper. Because Facebook games are free, and Pokemon (+ the 3DS) cost money. SO why was one invite acceptable and one wasn't? Maybe it's because on Facebook you can repeatedly send invites. You can do it in person too I presume but after a while I'd punch you in the face. It boils all back down to exposure and number of players: if the game hopes to stay afloat they need that traffic. But honestly asking if someone wants to play a (free) Facebook Game should not carry more stigma than asking someone to get Halo to play multiplayer. 

3. Real Money
FREE. FACEBOOK GAMES ARE FREE. How much money did it cost for you to download Candy Crush Saga onto your iPad? Oh, was it 0 dollars and 0 cents? With tax? Yes, that's right. It's a free-to-play game. So imagine what it's like being a game company that puts out a game that doesn't cost money to play. How do you make money to pay the people who helped make the game? There's where in-game purchases come in. To some people it's ridiculous, but honestly, to me, it seems completely normal. Here I feel that in-game purchases with real money is similar to buying DLC for a game you own already. How is purchasing power ups in Candy Crush any different than buying the L.A. Noire extra missions to play after you've already beaten it? Or buying items for your XBL avatar? Either way it's real currency used on 1's and 0's no matter how you look at it. And a digital market place is oddly similar to a physical marketplace in that they are almost the exact fucking same thing. Why does it matter how someone chooses to spend money? You might think it's silly that a guy spent $20 on extra lives on a game, but it could be equally ridiculous that you spent $20 on a game expansion pack like Dead Island: Riptide. To each their own.

And can I take a minute and talk about the 'hardcore gamers' who refuse to interact with 'filthy casuals' let alone play the games. Who cares? I enjoy first person shooters. I love RPGS but I'm not very good at them, my forte are Action/Adventure games. And yes, Puzzle games rock, so I found a puzzle game on a pretty easily accessible platform (Facebook) and I will play this game. The lives set up keeps me from playing too long, and the puzzles are new and fun. We all have different tastes in gaming, and god damnit, if I want to spend my time watering imaginary turnips (Is this Farmville? Or Harvest Moon?) then leave me be, you can go on murdering your imaginary aliens/communists.

Oh be still my heart.

 

In the least cheesy way possible I absolutely 100% am in love with this song and the video just makes me so much happier. You ever hear or see something that gives you such a good feeling that it almost hurts? Like....mother fuck. I want this shit in my life.

Am I Just Eating Because I'm Bored

So I have my final Ceramics project coming up. I've decided I want to do a series of multiples, slightly modifying each particular piece. There are three options I've decided I want to try to do, and I have a poll on the right of this blog that you guys can vote on whichever you think is the most interesting/effective/cool/etc.

In no particular order:

• Birds - The Phoenix is a Greek mythological creature (or Harry Potter, depending on your religion) that symbolizes rebirth, fire, the sun, reincarnation, etc. This would be a serious of numerous phoenix-like birds, hung by fishing wire, arranged to ascend upwards.
• Ladybugs - Often represents luck, prosperity, or just good fortune. This would just be a bunch of lady bugs sitting on top of a large leaf, perhaps a few trailing off of the leaf.
• Goldfish - Kamohoalii, the Hawaiian shark god, is said to swim around ships lost at sea and help guide them back to land. This is interesting to me because in Digimon, Gomamon has a move called Marching Fishes in which he summons lots of fish and they often form a net/raft to help the kids (Yeah I just made that reference). This would be a school of goldfish, also hanging from fishing wire, perhaps with one in the lead painted a different color to symbolize Kamohoalii. MAYBE I would add a boat or something above the school of fish, but I'm not sure yet. 

So those are three ideas I have. Any other ideas anyone might have, let me hear them, but also know I can't do a subject 'just because it looks cool'. I have to have some sort of meaning or inspiration behind it. If you guys could vote on the poll on which idea sounds the best I would greatly appreciate it.

Meanwhile I'm having social/emotional issues but I'm not going to talk about them because I've been taking them out on my art, which is convenient and nice. 

Deuces,

Peener

I promise

I'm not on some crazy "I'm so proud to be Canadian" kick. Today just HAPPENS to be the Canadian Thanksgiving, and I just SO HAPPENED to think of a funny Canadian joke the other day (That got TWO status shares. Go me) and I just HAPPEN to drinking Molson's Canadian and the song from 7th grade that my classmates wrong just SO HAPPENED to pop into my head. That was based on Canadians.

Canasian Pride indeed.

So I should be sad that I'm drinking beer, sitting at home alone playing Pokemon X. But I'm at home, drinking beer and playing Pokemon X. I'm goddamn ecstatic. Also I've been feverishly replaying these three songs:

• "Royals" by Lorde
• "Wake Me Up" by Avicci
• "Radioactive In The Dark" Fall Out Boy/Imagine Dragons remix.

Don't worry, I'll be sick of them in a few days.

So oh my God. So far Pokemon X has blown my mind. It's amazingly easy to trade/battle with friends online now (and random people across the globe!). The graphics are BEAUTIFUL. My only gripe is the always-on roller blades. As much as I love Jet Set Radio Future, just like in that game, it's frustrating trying to navigate with roller blades. 

• It's finally in 3D
• Character customization
• Mega Evolutions (Ahem, Digimon anyone?)
• You can sit on benches
• You get to ride a Rhyhorn
• You mom actually has a bedroom in the house you live in. 
• You can sit on benches
• No really. Benches.

I don't know why the last bit gets me so excited. Also, just the graphics and minor details make me giggle. When your character talks to someone tall, he/she looks up at them. When they talk to a little kid, THEY KNEEL DOWN AND PUT THEIR HANDS ON THEIR KNEES OH MY GOD IT'S SO CUTE I COULD VOMIT.

Also you get to pick a Kanto starter later in the game. And it's actually quite Kanto-Pokemon heavy, for you GenWunners.

When I get drunk I talk about Pokemon. Maybe I should stop blogging.

Happy Thanksgiving!

-Peener

We are vagabonds; we travel without seat belts on. We live this close to death

Hooray for obnoxiously long post titles that are lovely lyrics.

So trying to go to bed, my thoughts have dragged me through the emotions of anger, despair, sadness, and joy, all in about 45 minutes. I figured I should try to blog but I don't really want to talk about anything right now. So here's a silly thing that happened in class on Tuesday.

My professor is super adamant about not having cell phones in class. About an hour in, his phone goes off, and he begins to profusely apologize. Seeing it's (guessing) his wife, he answers it and this is how it goes:

"I'm in class. *pause* This better be important otherwise this is really horrible. *pause* Is the house on fire? *pause, then hangs up*

*Looks up at the class* "I think that was my 2 year old"

I don't know. It sounds stupid now in writing but it made me giggle in class.

Tomorrow I'm doing drunk kitchen with some cool kids. We're doing Grandma's sweet potato soup and also a green bean casserole. I'm excited. And hungry.

Stay foolish, kids.

-Peener

We have done the impossible, and that makes us mighty.

So I have 3D modeling homework to do and I should go to the studio so OF COURSE instead I'm going to a beer thing instead because I like to run away from my responsibilities.

I watched Serenity again last night. It ripped my heart out and shat on it. Like usual. I need to not go on tumblr and stuff too much. It starts to get me all mopey about romance and stuff. I'm not really jaded on that whole idea, but damn, we need to set our expectations lower. Maybe your perfect guy will keep asking you to pull his finger when he farts. Or blows beer bubbles. Or doesn't play video games (spoiler, not mine). But I'm sure the perfect S.O. is out there getting into some shenanigans. probably illegal. Like poaching.

This was a weird entry. I'm tried and my head hurts.

yay beer.

-Apinya

God it's good to be alive

So I found this webcomic that's 100% Pokemon humor.

I'm dead. Bye guys.

Rare Candy Treatment

That links to whatever random comic I was looking at.

This blog entry will be boring. I could rant about feelings and stuff, but no one really wants to read me bitch about myself. I have 3D Modeling homework, and I also need to make my way to the Ceramics studio at some point today. In all actuality I'll probably go do Ceramics for a few hours, then go to Ampa and Joe's for Oktoberfest/football and "do" 3D modeling homework there, since his computer is SO much better than mine.

I remember another imperfection of mine (from a few entries back) I have irrational bathroom phobias. It's a bit of a list of it's own, which is probably why I didn't include it before.

• I 99.9% of the time will never use a port-o-potty. Ever.
• The idea of peeing in the woods is terrifying.
• I always have to check behind the shower curtains before I use a toilet if they're closed. To make sure dead bodies are back there chilling (Looking at you, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang)
• If it permits, I will use the 3rd stall in a public restroom. If not, I will use the handicap stall. 
• If there is only one other person also in the public restroom, I will wait until they leave. 

Look I'm all neurotic about bathroom stuff but then I'm like 'hmm this expired in July 2012 but it still smells fine'. 

Broncos play the Cowboys today. I really wanna go fight someone in a bar. I probably could, just show up in my Jason Witten Jersey and smile. 

-Peener

THE WEEKEND IS HERE

So I've watched about six episodes of Doctor Who on my desktop while I'm playing Candy Crush/Farm Heroes Saga on my laptop and I'm wrapped up in my UT blanket because the heat doesn't work in my apartment yet but I'm eating ice cream because I eat my feelings and it's making me colder but I can't stop and this is my life now.

A run on sentence of my day after class.

I slept from about 5-7, made some soup and mac n cheese, and have been staring at some form of LED screen for 12+ hours. I'm not even mad. Although I feel I should bring my aloe plant in because it IS cold outside and it likes to be warm and sunny. It's so strange. With depression, sleep is like...50% of what I do. Sometimes it's so overwhelming just being conscious that you just want to sleep until it all goes away and you can just start over the next day. Sometimes I sleep to pass the time because I literally can't think of anything else I'd want to do. I'm so impatient, I guess.

Ugh. I better stop before I start making myself sad.

Dear BlogSpot

So the therapist is officially too expensive to go to per session. So now you are my therapist.

What do you do when you have had a best friend for 13+years, and you enjoy hanging out with them, but the things that they believe in and 'stand for' are so radically different from your own that you can barely tolerate them? I almost feel like I am obligated to be their friend just because we have been for so long. But everything from their choices in life to the beliefs that they hold are just so different (we used to be almost the same person) from my own that I can't stand them. I love them, with all of my heart, but damn near 50% of what comes out of their mouth just makes me roll my eyes. They're an adult, yes, but they haven't quite grown up.

When the person who preordered Pokemon X says that you haven't grown up yet, maaaaaaybe some things need to be reassessed.

I want them to grow up. I want them to become the wonderful person I know they can be. But they won't. It's like they refuse, and they are just stuck in this bubble. In the same bedroom for years, surrounded by the same people, for years. How can one grow and evolve if they are never forced to change?

Without order nothing can live. Without chaos, nothing can evolve.

By no means am I tooting my own horn as some superior human being because I've led a different life. For all I know, I am no more adult than them, I could just be a massive fuck up. And I have (see previous blog) been a massive fuck up before.

It's less a poisonous relation ship for me, and more just an annoyance. So what do I do.

-Peener

P.S. I got a courtesy call from Gamestop thanking me for preordering Pokemon X. :3 October 12 is sooo cloooooose.

I saw a field that grew perfection full of things you do.

I read a friend's list of the 'perfect girl' a few days ago. Not that I had interest to begin with, but I straight up bombed like....95% of his list. But I like to think I have some likable traits, but hardly do they make me someone's perfect girl.

• I am coming to terms that I might have a video game addiction. While I typically am able to withhold myself from buying a brand new game, I have spent at least $300 on gaming systems/games since July. I often prefer video games to people.
• I don't work out. I don't hate it, I just don't do it. I tried running and I almost died. Lifting weights around people in a public area gives me unofficial anxiety.
• I poop. Sorry.
• I don't believe in God. Now a lot of people will think this isn't a big deal, when some others will find this repulsive. I tried it for a bit. Didn't work out. But I am not lacking some spirituality in my life, Buddhism is pretty sweet.
• My clothing style is kind of hipster. Idk I like baggy shirts and stuff. I bought a sweater with the Union Jack on it and it is no doubt one of the best purchases of my life
• I procrastinate a lot. In fact I'm writing this blog instead of studying for my Art History test.
• My vocabulary is easily 30% swear words. They're just fucking words.
• Alcohol is my friend, but not my boss.
• I have some self destructive tendencies. Mostly emotional ones. I have this thing, where I go out and do what I want at that moment, and regret it later. Like...all the time. 
• I'm more of a cat person. Sorry again.
• You can tell I'm Canadian, because I apologize for just about everything. 

Now I guess I can try to recognize some ancient statues and what not. Got that off my chest.

Well that was embarrassing...

I just tried to go running in god knows how long. It was a short run. My legs aren't sore, but not even fifteen minutes in and there is still not enough oxygen in the world to keep me alive. I don't know if it's because I'd been sick the past few days or what, but it's evident that my lungs need some work. So glad I didn't try to go running at the gym, because I'd be ashamed. And I can't stop coughing now. Blegh.

My iPod also died mid run, and I can't find my charger cable. I am distressed. Also I may have already misplaced my key in my own apartment. So much for waking up and trying to make myself a better person. I thought it was a sign that I was up wide awake at 7:30 AM. NOPE. Might just be those pesky R.E.M. cycles or whatever.

I really am disappointed in how out of shape I've gotten. I was never really in shape to begin with, but I could run for at least an hour. I guess I should play GTA V to drown my sorrows. Or work on modeling stuff. I'm currently making a diesel-punk style aquarium (thanks Matt for the idea!) Basically the engine would run the pump-filter system for the fish, yada yada. We have two weeks to work on the project so hopefully I can make it look pretty good in that time slot, as well as work on the other 3D assignment we have, and work on whatever we decide to do with Capstone.

I really enjoy my 3D modeling class. Working on 3D is such a different experience. Coupled with my first 3D studio class (Ceramics), it's made it a pretty fun quarter. It's very convenient to be working 90% with 3D art. But damn, Maya is intimidating. There are so many tools you just kind of sit there with your jaw hanging open, like 'now what?'

Anyways, I find that these personal blog entries are less exciting than ones that I rant about a specific topic. But at least I got it off my chest.

No but really

Who is in Russia that reads my blog? I'm 100% curious, because I didn't think I knew anyone in Russia.

Let's Talk Video-Game "Violence"

So I stumbled upon this article today on my Xfinity homepage that I can't seem to/am to lazy to change.

10 Most Violent Video Games

I know, I know. Beating a dead horse. Everyone knows that this argument is still illogical, and putting the 'violent video game' blame on the companies instead of the parents. News Flash: Video games aren't about kids anymore.

Guess the average age of a 'gamer' in the United States. Just a guestimation. Come on.

30. It's 30 fucking years old. And the average time with 'game' experience is 13 years.

But my favorite part of the article? Look at the bottom left corner of every single photo that you scroll through. What's the rating on them? 9 out of 10 (one being an expansion) are Rated M. For Mature. Which, if you brush up on your ESRB (aka it's RIGHT FUCKING THERE ON THE PACKAGE) is 17 or older.

17! This article shouldn't have to tell parents that these are violent video games that they need to keep their kids away from because it says it right there on the box. It's not there for shits and giggles. It's there because Saints Row lets you kill cops with a giant purple dildo. Dead Island (on an ISLAND) has copious amounts of women in scantily clad swim suits. Who are swearing and drink. Because they're on goddamn vacation they can do what they want. They tell you right there on the label why this game is so not okay for your ten year old kid.

And the looks some of the poor Gamestop employees get when a parent scoffs at them when they're informed the game is rated M for mature, for 17+.

Here's another fun stat (thanks, theesa.com!): 91% of games are rated T for Teens or lower (younger, softer, whatever). The game choices for your child are the majority of games available. Even though your child is not the majority demographic game companies are aiming for.

Get your shit together parents. And stop blaming companies for your incompetence. I bet they're the parents who take their kids to an R-rated movie and wonder why they got a detention for saying 'fuck you' to their teacher, and blame the movie industry. If you know the consequences of your actions, then you get to make that choice, but you don't get to push your inadequacy as a parent onto outside sources. There's a reason that even if accompanied by a parent, kids just cannot see certain movies. I am almost tempted to push this limitation onto video games. Because clearly we need to punish the parents and teach them a lesson.

Also I may or may not need a GTAV intervention. I can't stop. And why is the trashiest, dirtiest, most inappropriate character the one that I love the most? I think it's because he's Canadian. We have a kinship.

Regards,
The Peener

P.S: Don't you just LOVE that you're not allowed to make any comments on this article/Powerpoint/slideshow/whatever the hell it is?

Explorations

As I sit here, migraine pushing against the back of my eyes, snot clogging up my nose so I have to breathe through my mouth, panting like a dog, I'm only worried about whether I'll be able to go to Hanging Lake on Sunday. I think I'm past the point of having someone to go with me. I'll go by myself, dammit. It's seriously the most gorgeous looking place and I want to see it in person. Plus its been a while since I've been on a good hike.

I feel like it would be a great place to meditate. Clear my head. Relax my body. (Don't forget to cup the balls). Getting in tune with nature and such. Places like this aren't too far from Denver, and I've been taking the area for granted.

I've been reading again too. Going to finish The Girl Who Played with Fire and then start on Filth. It's been a good few weeks. A bit chaotic with school and work, but I've managed to mostly keep it together. 

Now it's time to turn on the humidifier and doze a bit longer. Sleep fixes everything right? I enjoy sleep.

Amp Up the Crazy

I'm starting to debate the necessity of a therapist. I went to a 'session' today and we didn't talk about anything earth-shattering. Which is fine, I don't need to delve deep into my soul every time. Most of the time, I go because I just like talking to someone. Today we talked about the potential of video games and the industry as a whole, and how it's just getting started. We also went into the topic of art mediums, and I explained how different paints and the stuff with ceramics works. She seemed very interested in it, and she told me as I was leaving that sometimes she likes to just let me sit back and talk. It really does make me feel better. But at the same time, it's so expensive. For whatever reason, the insurance has decided to reset something rather, and it went from $20 a session to $105 a session.

What.

So now I'm concerned. How valuable is this therapy to me? Is it enough to consistently be draining my father of these funds? (If I stay at the weekly sessions, that's $420 a month. Eek!) Maybe $20 a session was, but certainly not how much it is now. That'd be a once a month thing, if that. I know that maintaining a good mental-health state is important, but money is almost just as important in the world, especially for a father who doesn't quite understand what's wrong.

Speaking of healthcare, this is an interesting video (via a great author, John Green):

 

I love it because he also cites his sources. What a good guy.

Blah. This was a useless post kind of. I don't know what the point of it was. I'm gonna go make grilled cheese.

-Peener

Let's Talk About Sex

Oh here we go. A blog entry that's for once not about my mundane life. We're leaving reality and stepping into tangent territory. I mean, I could talk about my mundane life. Like how I secretly love hipster clothes (not so secret anymore, woops). Like seriously. The fun old lady patterns, my new orange pants, droopy hats, Buddy Holly glasses, big shirts to hide muffin tops and fluff. I love it. And it's a relatively cheap style to adhere to. Thrift stores, Goodwill; my orange pants were $10 at LoveCulture (which is kind of a terrifying store to go into alone).

Ugh. Talking about fashion wore me out. How can people do that for a living?

I want to talk about the over-romantization (word?) of sex. They say there's three levels of having sex: Making Love, Sex, and Fucking. I always imagined making love to be like....surrounded by rose petals. Maybe in a bathtub. Some electric candles to set the mood (I've seen too many rom-coms to know what happens when you use actual candles) and light some incense or something for the smell. Then everything is sensual and romantic and there's massage oil and the guy likes to cuddle after and the girl's hair doesn't get in his face when she's the little spoon.

Maybe some of you have experienced that. Good for you. Did it live up to your expectations?

Because to me, sex is awkward. Terribly awkward. Fun, sure. Exhausting, exhilarating, sometimes sensual, mostly exciting. Maybe it's just because I'm an awkward person. I still laugh at fart jokes. My favorite word is booger. If I'm not drunk enough and someone hits on me, 95% of the time I'll be a snarky bitch and get kicked out of the bar/party.

But I mean think about that shit. If you break it down to what it really is, it's a guy sauntering up to a girl (or girl to girl, or guy to guy, or girl to guy, covering all bases here) and being like "I want to ram my dirty bits into your dirty bits and (if this is a male) blow my love stuff into you." Mmmm, so romantic. I mean come on.

Take it for what it is: Two people, after doing the flirtatious tango, are getting naked, and rolling around. There's sweat. There's bumping heads into walls/each other/the cat. There's weird smells. There's funny noises. There's a mysterious wetness that could be a number of things. And above all else, there's never nearly enough oxygen to go around, if you're doing it right.

It's primal. Male giraffes taste the urine of the female to see if they are fertile before mating. Holy shit. Can you imagine if that's what human's did? I'm sure it's not consensual either. It's not like 'Hey Giraffe Lady, can I watch you pee? Also maybetakealittletaste?'

Oh my god. No wonder giraffes are my favorite animals. That's so metal.

Anyways I guess what I'm saying is sex is romanticized by shit like movies, commercials, etc. And that's bullshit. Because romantic sex is maybe dinner and a movie first. Kissing a lot during foreplay. Locking the dog out of the bedroom before you get dirty so he doesn't like your toes in the middle. Having paper towels handy at the bed side. And maybe a candle or two.

Seriously. Giraffes. Hardcore.

-Peener

No rest for the wicked.

So every time I try to start a post, I always get distracted and come back to it almost 24 hours later because I've straight up forgotten I was writing it. I guess I get bored with these things easily unless I have some sort of tangent to go off on or I find some freaky shit in the ocean and post it on here. Either way, I find myself typically more attracted to the short attention span media better. 140 character Tweets. .Gifs of Benedict Cumberbatch of Tumblr. Clicking on pictures on reddit. After that my brain loses interest.

And yet I can spend 3 + hours making sure my Sims have the correct cheekbones. Ho hum.

As I'm doing 3D Modeling homework, I get a call from dad about tuition money and stuff. Asks me if I have a job offer yet. No, sorry, I'm still, you know, trying to graduate and stuff. I suppose with something like computer science and engineering its easy to find a job before you officially get a diploma. And the same goes with art-related things, so you'd think I'd be able to find a job quickly. But, like many other places of employment in the world, lots of people want someone with experience. So as of right now, beefing up my portfolio and crossing my fingers is the best I can do.

I also am contemplating getting an external hard drive to back up my data on my laptop/desktop. Yes it's pricey. Yes I also want Grand Theft Auto V. But if I want to get my shit together, then I need to start early.

Stan took a shit and literally missed the litter box with his butt. I wondered why the apartment smelled awful.

I also had Oreos and milk for breakfast. I'm pretty much cranking out all of that college life in my last year. Oh well. What else are you gonna do?

Introvert or Extrovert?

So Ampa and Joe get to go to stinkin' RiotFest this weekend and get to go camping and see Blink 182 and it's gonna be marvelous and I'm gonna vomit I'm so jealous. But then I get to babysit Stan for the weekend, and I've needed a cuddle buddy at night lately. It will be good for me to just chill out for a little bit, relax, get a good grasp on homework and such. I have a hard time deciding if I'm more introverted or extroverted. I'm an eclectic blend of both, I think. On one hand, I love to hang out with my friends, going out, meeting new people, etc. But then, I thoroughly enjoy reading, playing Pokemon (October 12th is soooo close), browsing reddit while watching Netflix, or playing a one-person game. (Joe has GTAV at the apartment. I may disappear for the weekend).

So when people ask me which one I am, I'm not sure what to answer. Because I can go so far deep into either one. I can be sitting at home, wallowing in self-pity about being alone, or I can have my phone turned off because I don't want to talk to anyone. Or put on pants. Pants involvement plays a big role in whether I'll be social or not.

So almost 24 hours after I started this original post I've become addicted to GTA V and decided I need to buy it with my next pay check.

Life would be grand if it weren't for all these feelings.

So since Xanga is down for the count right now as they rush in Xanga 2.0 (Myspace revival, anyone) I suppose I'll travel over to here for now. School has been in session for two weeks now, and it's already overwhelming. Not to mention that my kitchen sink gurgles a lot and it literally sounds like Satan is gonna come out and strangle me because I didn't wash my plate immediately after I used it. I live alone, Satan, I do my dishes on my own time!

For my Gaming Capstone I have to code a complete game, start to finish, in less than 8 hours. I've used up about 2 hours of it, and it's due by 11AM tomorrow. My brain hurts, I don't know how long it's been since the last time I used Java. But as I started writing it with copious amounts of help from my friend, it started to come back to me. I plan on working on it more during my World Art class.

15 minutes later I've just arrived in class. I love this professor. He has long gray hair and a beard and is super excitable. I imagine this is what Dumbledore would be like in the Muggle world. Eccentric as fuck, and repping flip flops with a suit.

Also I just stumbled across this. Shit is terrifying. Fuck the ocean.


On that cheerful note, it's time to do more coding. Happy swimming!

-Peener